i don't have much time for this blog anymore...it's journal-like nature means that i only write in it when no one is around, and since i live with AZ now, that's a rare occasion. plus my internet connection is wonky at best, but that's a whole 'nother ball of wax...

so. things are good. we had a few big blowouts a few weeks after moving in together, but i was expecting that to happen--he's never lived with a girlfriend before, and i had just moved clear across the country and left everything i knew behind. we had a lot of adjusting to do. but he's sweet and caring and loves to be the man of the house, loves to take care of me. and as much as i typically fight that response in males, i'm really enjoying it. i don't mean financially--we're fairly even on that, though he makes a bit more and so pays a bit more...i mean in smaller everyday ways. he sets an alarm for me, 1/2 hour after my alarm, just in case i fall back asleep. he makes me dinner every night. he brings home small surprises for me (a plant! popsicles!), and waters my flowers in the morning.

and we've gotten better at the fighting. that might sound odd, but living 2600 miles apart meant that we never really had to deal with each other when things got mucky. now, we may still fight at times, but the fights are smaller and less intense. we listen. we change things. we make it better so it doesn't happen again. this is far and away the healthiest--really, quite possibly, the only healthy--relationship i have ever been in. and for the first time in my life, i know what i want for the future. i want to marry him, and the thought doesn't scare me in the slightest. i want to spend the rest of our lives together, have kids, grow old. all things that have truly frightened me in the past to think about. i want to go on adventures, learn new things, overcome old fears.

i guess it's easier for me to write when i'm angsty or depressed or sad, because writing was always my escape for those things. i feel like when i only have good things to say, my writing is trivial and boring. which is something i'd like to work on. so keep an eye out for (slightly, at least) more frequent updates...