i hate feeling like things are being left unsaid. and things are *definitely* being left unsaid right now. for good reason, i suppose...maybe it would just be selfish to want it any other way. but i can't help it. good or bad, i've always been a supporter of getting your true feelings out in the open. even when they complicate things, which they seem to more often than not, in my case. so maybe i'm just selfish. i know in the past i've said things before thinking about them, and however true they felt at the time, they ended up...not being true. and it's hurt people. i've hurt people. but this is different. everything i want to say, i've known for years. it's been a part of me. and it always will be. and i want him to know that. but it will complicate things. not in a life-altering way--i'm not that arrogant. i know that decisions have been made, and that things have changed for good. and that's not a problem--i don't want things to be any different than the way they are. but i also don't want to wake up ten years from now, and think to myself that i swept too many things under the rug. that i ever let anyone pass through my life without letting them know how i feel about them; especially someone who has affected my life so directly. someone who has had a very real hand in making my life as it is now possible.