it's incredibly difficult to meet someone, connect with them, and then let them drop off of the face of your earth. even when you need to. even when you promised that you would. i hate myself when i hide things from the people that i love. i don't want to do that anymore. and i haven't, not in a long time. i'm happy. i am in love, unbelievably so. i have no doubts, nothing that i feel was left undone. but i have such a difficult time cutting the cord...not because i want more--i don't. i know where i want to be, and i'm there. but that doesn't mean that people from the past mean any less to me. i seem to have an uncanny ability to maintain friendships with people from my past. men, specifically. and i like that. and generally, that quality about me is something that is understood in my current relationship. it may cause for awkward moments now and again, but i do not abandon my friendships. i'm not that kind of person. but this one time, i need to be. and i don't know how. i can not see someone, not talk to them. but when i see something that reminds me of them, in a completely harmless, platonic way, i see nothing wrong with sending off a quick, equally platonic email. well, i guess i do see somthing wrong with it. i guess that's the problem...